(SVBWine) - Millennials are the most engaged and socially connected generation of all cohorts. They demand sustainability and authenticity in their products. Socially responsible and transparent companies rank high in importance when it comes to their purchase decisions. They demand customization and wide selection. They consume more wine per occasion than all the other cohorts combined.

Thirty-three percent of Millennials say they are motivated to buy more frequently when a friend recommends a wine, but 99.8% say they like any wine better when a friend buys it for them. 

One hundred and fourteen percent agree with the statement that feeding one's animal spirits premium wine is better than hitting your toe with a hammer. The remaining percentage believe morning after flat party beer is good for hydration, so long as there are no cigarette butts in the bottle. When there are butts in the beer, their preference to consume falls to 0.4% with a statistical error rate of +/- 0.4%

Lies and Misdirection

This post started off pretty much like all the other useless crap you see on millennial psychographic traits but quickly degraded. Yes, it's all a lie including the first paragraph, but I wanted to express what I hear in wine marketing presentations regarding our youngest drinking cohort. 

Making the newest wine drinking generation seem like they're Vulcan's has been the work of media and researchers who have now tattooed an indelible mark on the subject in the public narrative. (And to reiterate, millennials aren't close to being the largest consuming cohort of wine in the U.S.) Apparently the generation is a Unicorn - unlike any young generation in history. Thank god we aren't yet talking about the i-Generation or as it's otherwise called, Generation Z! 

Why would researchers produce all this drivel?

I think the marketing world has gone mad and is leveraging the fear of consumer product companies who are acting out of a survival instinct, concerned that they will miss out on the millennial train; the largest cohort since the boomers who drove retail spending for the past 50 years but is hitting retirement age.

So desperate is the market for the secret Rosetta Stone to engage millennials, billions are being spent to find any consultant with the answers. 

To give a sense of the desperation, the Wall Street Journal recently ran a piece on consultants who charge $20k an hour just to help you understand millennial employees. That kind of frenzy is producing a gold mine for consulting companies who are tripping over each other to offer the newest methods and observations so you too can cultivate these consumers of the future