(Elle) - Have you heard? Red wine can now reverse the negative effects of high-fat, high-sugar foods on your muscles! Miracle. 

A new study conducted at Georgetown University concluded that resveratrol (a polyphenol compound present in wine, as well as blueberries and raspberries) can undo the damage of high-fat, high-sugar diet on "slow" muscle groups responsible for walking and standing. (One thing to note: The study was done on 24 adult male rhesus monkeys, not humans.)

Another thing to note: There have been contradictory studies about the health benefits and harms of red wine for a while now forever. Here, a sample...

ALL THE GREAT THINGS STUDIES CLAIM DRINKING RED WINE CAN DO:

1. Lower the risk of breast cancer.

2. Raise levels of good HDL cholesterol.

3. Be equivalent to an hour of exercise.

3. Give you better sleep quality.

4. Prevent tooth decay. 

5. Reduce plaque in your arteries.

6. Make you have fewer colds.

7. Help you lose weight.

8. Lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, and dementia.

9. Give you "gorgeous skin."

10. Aid digestion.

11. Enhance exercise performance.

12. Control Type 2 Diabetes.

13. Help you "chill out."

14. Reduce risk of depression.

15. Give you a longer life.

16. Increase diversity of bacteria in your gut.

17. Fight off cavities.

18. Stop bug bites.

19. Prevent memory loss.

AND ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS:

1. Increase the risk of breast cancer.

2. Damage the liver.

3. Not reduce mortality.

4. Increase risk of stroke and heart attack.

5. Lead to alcoholism.